Road Trip
by kate98
Summary: Silliness. A conversation between McKay and Sheppard. Be forewarned: ShepWeir leanings.


_Disclaimer: I gain nothing from this but enjoyment._

A/N: This is my first Atlantis fic. It jumped on me and demanded to be written as I drove along in my car. I had absolutely no control over it (the story, not the car -I would never endangerpedestrians). Shep/Weir leanings. If you don't like it, now's the time to jump ship (pun intended).

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ROAD TRIP

"You're swerving all over the place again."

Rodney tightened his grip on the ship's controls and snapped, "It's not as though there are little white lines painted down the center of the solar system. There's not a lot of _traffic_ out here, you know."

"Geez, McKay. You don't have to jump down my throat."

He sighed and thought for a moment. "I'm sorry, Major. I'm just tense."

John snorted. "You're tense a lot lately."

Rodney shot him a suspicious look. "What is that supposed to mean?"

John got up and stretched. He walked to the back of the puddle jumper, out of his companion's line of vision before he answered. "You've been sarcastic, snappish, and cranky – more than usual, I mean." He returned to his seat and offered Rodney a canteen, which he refused. John shrugged and drank from it as the silence lengthened.

After a few minutes, it became evident Rodney didn't intend to discuss the subject, but John had been specifically asked by the science department to get to the bottom of the matter. Well, to say he was _asked _might be understating it a bit. _Begged _might be closer to the truth. Beseeched, supplicated, implored. If he couldn't straighten Rodney out, he was afraid the lab might see a few 'accidents.'

John decided to try a different tactic. "You know what you need?"

"No. Enlighten me."

"A date."

Rodney shot him a startled glance before recovering his composure. "Sex is not the answer to everything, Major."

"I thought only women said that."

"Ahh, silly me. Soldier, big gun… I should have seen the 'macho jerk' part coming."

"Hey! I'm not a jerk."

A sly grin spread over John's face, and Rodney couldn't help but be softened. "And who do you suppose I'm going to date out here?"

John looked out over inky starscape in front of them. "Well, no one out _here_…" Rodney rolled his eyes and John continued, "but back on Atlantis, you could find yourself a nice Athosian girl, settle down, have a few kids."

"One: I am not planning on staying here, and I don't think the Pentagon will take kindly to my bringing home half-alien brats from another galaxy, nor do I think a wife and kids would fit in my apartment. Two: An _Athosian _girl?"

"What's wrong with the Athosians?"

"Nothing. But I don't think any of them are the next Marie Curie. I'd like to be able to have an intelligent conversation with a woman."

"Then what about one of the girls in the science department? That French geologist is cute."

"Madeline? You've got to be kidding me. Geology may as well be genealogy for her; the woman is made of stone. She wouldn't know a joke if it bit her. And frankly, if any of the female scientists are nice to me, they're sucking up."

"There must be somebody."

"Why must there? It's not like we chose the expedition members from a video dating service."

"You're over-thinking this, McKay. I'm not saying you need to find the love of your life. Just that you could benefit from a little female companionship."

"You know, I'm not good with women anyway. There's only one woman on Atlantis that I feel comfortable around, that I can have a conversation with. And she gets my jokes." Rodney smiled to himself.

As he stared at Rodney's profile, the realization hit John like an anvil from the sky. "Lizzie."

Rodney started at the sudden tension in John's voice. He looked at him speculatively. "Dr. Elizabeth Weir, yes. When did she become Lizzie?"

John turned forward again, not meeting Rodney's eyes. "She didn't. Slip of the tongue."

"Major, I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I just meant that Elizabeth is the only woman on Atlantis that I think of as a peer, a friend. Nothing more."

"Not my business."

The major became silent, his body language indicating his desire to end the conversation, but Rodney was delighted with this discovery. "Lizzie!"

"McKay," John growled in warning.

"I'm sorry, but that explains a lot."

"No, it doesn't."

"Yes. Yes, it does! There was that time with the Genii…"

"They were trying to take over Atlantis."

"Yes, but when you thought Kolya had killed Elizabeth, you went on a rampage. You disabled the generators, giving up _any chance_ we had of saving Atlantis. It was only when he told you she was alive…"

"I would have turned the generators back on as soon as I took out all the Genii."

"Mmm-hmm," Rodney agreed patronizingly. "All those times you were pouring on the charm, I thoughtyou were just manipulating her toget her to do things your way."

"I was!"

"Apparently it's had an effect.What about last month, when we were trapped with the wraith, and she sent out the rescue party hours before we were due to check in?"

"She had a bad feeling. She was worried about us – _all of_ _us_."

"Yes," Rodney grinned, "well, I have another theory about that. Want to hear it?"

"No," John growled. He scrunched down in his seat and closed his eyes. "I'd like to have a quiet ride the rest of the way, if you don't mind."

"Fine," Rodney said with amusement.

"Just focus on flying a straight line."

"Yup." Rodney assented and began to hum quietly. After a few moments, John sat up, glaring.

"What the hell? Are you humming _Radar Love_?"

Rodney smiled broadly. "It's part of my theory."

"We were talking about _you_, McKay. How did we end up on the subject of my love life?"

"It's a much more interesting topic."

John sighed. "Let's just say, hypothetically, that I was interested in Dr. Weir. She is living with someone back home."

"No, she _was_ living with someone back home. Speaking as a scientist, I can say pretty definitively that she_ is _living with us, right here in the Pegasus galaxy, possibly never to go home again."

"I thought your argument against dating an Athosian girl was that we'll be going back to Earth."

"I was making excuses. We all know the chances look slim."

"For the sake of argument, let's say we will. Until such time as we make it back home, I am the ranking military officer on Atlantis, which means, as the leader of the expedition, she is effectively my commander. In the Air Force, that's considered kind of a no-no."

"Where have I heard this before?" Rodney muttered with exasperation. "Elizabeth is a civilian. It may be frowned upon, but it's not outlawed, is it?"

"You're missing the point. It's frowned upon for a reason – the same reason I'm sure she'd never consider it."

"Somehow, I think you could persuade her."

"McKay!" John ruffled his hand over his perpetually mussed hair. "Just drop it, okay? The only reason we're having this conversation is because I was supposed to find out what's wrong with you. Your attitude has been driving everyone nuts. So, now that you've poked and prodded into my personal life, will you just tell me what's been eating you?"

Rodney glanced over at him, then turned back to fiddle with the console in front of him. Almost defensively, he blurted out, "I miss my cat."

"Your cat? Half the science department is ready to commit hari-kari because you miss your cat?"

"I've always had a pet. They soothe me, give me something to do in my off hours."

"We live in the middle of an ocean. Find a bowl and I'll catch you a fish."

Rodney's face brightened. "That'd be nice."

"Next time you have a problem, just come talk to me. Don't take it out on the poor helpless science geeks."

"I feel like I should be offended on behalf of my colleagues, but they really are helpless geeks."

"And let's just keep this whole Lizzie conversation to ourselves, shall we?" This was met with determined silence. "Rodney?" he prodded suspiciously.

"No, I'm going to walk around chanting about John and Lizzie sitting in a tree." Rodney tried for his usual snide tone of voice, but too much amusement crept in. John wasn't buying it.

"Promise me."

"You know how bad I am at keeping secrets. And I'm even worse at lying. If it comes up, I can't promise anything."

John's voice took on his authoritative Major tone. "It will not come up, Dr. McKay. Nor will you hint, imply, suggest, insinuate, indicate, or allude to any knowledge of the subject. Is that understood?"

"Fine, fine." Rodney waved his hand dismissively. "It's just such a funny thought. All these little Lizzies and Johnnies running around Atlantis."

"Tell me you did not just call me Johnny," the Major growled.

"No, I called your future children Johnnies."

"Let's just leave the future to itself, okay?"

"Maybe that's what I'll name my fish."


End file.
